Phantom what?

When you loose a limp, be it a arm, leg or like me a hand, you experience what they call phantom pains. Meaning your brain still believes there is a hand present and it wants to move it. And those are the worst.

In the beginning they were bad. I could feel pain in my fingers or in the inside of a missing hand. You also get the sensation of how your hand is actually positioned, be it in a fist or open. Now 3 months later, I still have that sensation, but not like it was in the beginning. Right now my worst sensation is the healing of the nerve ends. My arm feels like it is falling asleep and tingles. But once they figure out where to go and heal, that sensation will become less and less and go away.  Desensitizing is something else I have to work on, where you slowly touch the area with something soft and get it used to normal touch again. My nurse does that for me. I am still not able to clearly look at it nor touch it. I need more mental therapy for that part. I know it is not there and that it will never come back, but I can’t look at it. And then maybe I am still in denial and my worst nightmare will come through that I will have a mental breakdown when the time comes for me to finally see it. Acceptance I suppose is my struggle, and I hope when the day comes where I have no other choice then to finally look at it, I am strong enough for it.

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3 thoughts on “Phantom what?

  1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Linda. Many of us have been following your experiences since the terrible event. We just know that your positive attitude, along with time, will let you go forward. Lots of positive thoughts in your direction and continued success in recovery.

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