The pissed off days

Yes that is what I call them. Those are the days when I wake up at 3 in the morning, pissed at the whole situation and the world, it makes me sick to my stomach. I ask myself over and over why me. What did I do so wrong in my Life, to have to go through this. My whole world turned upside down. Questioning everything. Wondering why the biggest douchebags, wrong doers, no good for nothing assholes go through Life care free, without anything bad ever happening to them, getting away with shit and here I am feeling punished for something I have no clue for what. I cry till I can’t cry no more and then just feel like giving up and say to hell with it. Why bother trying to get better and return to a somewhat normal Life, to return being a productive person.  So something else can happen to take me back to hell? Try not to be happy, because as soon as you do, the next pile of crap will show up.

I hate those days, and that is when I have to call my mom. She is the one that puts me back together and talks some sense into me. And after she puts me back together again and I hang up, I feel so selfish, because I think of all the soldiers that are injured and come back with legs and arms missing, something they sure did not sign up for. And who are continuing to live and fight with every ounce of strength they have left. I am sure they have worse days than me, so my pissy days are small compared to theirs. My friends all try to remind me about the good and try to help with their own pieces of advice, which I truly appreciate. But it’s me that has to make sense of it all, and I don’t think I am nowhere near it.

I start mental therapy monday. My first session with a therapist. Thinking it will be an interesting one.

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