Life’s just full of it isn’t it?

So today I left my house to head on work, pretty typical morning for the exception that I did not have to take a kid to school.

I am driving down the highway when my car started making this rattling noise, the oil light came on then the battery light and my car just stalled out. Well I cruised off an Exit ramp and came to a complete stop. Light smoke started coming up from underneath my hood and a smell of something burning through the vents of the car. Pretty much right there I knew this was majorly wrong.

I called work, and a friend and the Insurance company, because I couldn’t remember if I had roadside assistance, and as bright as I am sometimes, I forgot to print out the newest Insurance coverage papers to stick into my glove compartment.

When I talked to my friend she made the suggestion that her husband, who is a mechanic by heart and knows his way around cars to come over and take a look at the car, but she asked if I saw oil on the ground, and I told her yes a few drops. And she said it looks like it is the Engine.

So the Tow truck showed up, didn’t think he was going to be there so fast. Took him not even 5 minutes to hook the car up and off back home we went. I can’t describe what I was feeling or thinking at that point. I was just numb again. I was not angry or upset just numb.

Back home, my friends husband came over took a look and gave me the bad news, it is the Engine. My options which both of them are basically junk the car or a re-build engine. Wonderful. I still owe money on the car, not sure junking it is the option, but a re-build engine is out of reach also. Not exactly swimming in $$ here. So thats when I started feeling sorry for myself.

So I curled up in a Blanket and cried and wondered what did I do wrong again to get a blow of this kind in my Life again. Then once I got over that I went into the next phase of being mad at everything including my Life.

And now I’m writing about it. Not sure if that is gonna help me. I’m kinda slipping back into the feeling sorry for myself mode again. I think I need to record myself when I give advise to someone on how to pull themselves back up and just work themselves through it, so I can listen to it.

I guess we will see what the next couple of days will bring. I have to make a decision soon, no matter what, it will cost me.

Viscious cycle

Yes viscious cycle or deja vu again. Last year about the same time I found out that a friend of mine was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. She had to undergo breast removal surgery and radical chemotherapy and now she is sporting a new hairdo called “grey peach fuzz” as she likes to call it. She is in good spirits, and right now the prognosis looks good. Her daughter and mine have been friends since 1st grade. And although her and me had different views on parenting sometimes, we remained good friends all these years.

So last week I found out that another friend of mine has Breast Cancer. She has not come out openly and talked about it. It was really hard this weekend to work with her on our annual Band fundraiser and not give her a hug or look at her and start crying.

I have had my fair share of people around me diagnosed with Cancer or die of Cancer, starting with my ex father-in-law. He passed away in 1998 after loosing his battle with Lung cancer. Then it was distant friends and close friends and family.

And it makes you remember, that no matter how big your own problems are and the burden of them that you have to carry around with you, a diagnosis of Cancer makes your problems trivial to what these people are facing.