What demons we may bear…
23 Apr 2010 4 Comments
in Uncategorized Tags: community, demons, depression, family, friends, help, kids, rumors, Suicide
The headlines this week in our local newspaper covered a local man’s suicide. He took a gun to his head and shot himself and was found dead last Sunday. He was 34 years old, married with 2 small kids. He was a well liked professional person, and I got a chance to meet him last year at a Baseball game. I know that todays Funeral will be a big event in this town, because of his impact not just in his professional life but also in his personal life he had on people.
There was no suicide note found, at least the Sheriff’s office is not saying, there were no signs of him being troubled, everyone that knew him was or is in shock over this. No one know’s what was troubling him so badly to drive him to this decision. Yes, there are certainly rumors flying around, which I won’t go into, since they are just rumors and it would be unfair to him or his family to make such accusations without any kind of proof.
My first thought was ” How selfish of him”, to take his life and leave his wife and kids this way. How selfish of him to leave his wife and kids wonder if they did something to drive him to this decision, or if they missed any signs of him being suicidal.
But then I thought about it. What kind of demons did he have that made him come to this decision, that this was the only way out of this situation? He had it all, a wonderful job, great community relations, a great wife, awesome kids, did he suffer from depression that no-one knew about? Did that contribute to his suicide?
No one knows, and I guess we will never know. The demons he carried won. But his friends and family are left to grief and wonder what happened.
If you are depressed,troubled and think or contemplate to end your life, that this is the only way out, seek help please. There are lots of support groups, professional help and centers that are here to help you. Talk to your friends, family. Committing suicide may be the easy way out of all your troubles, but it will leave a hole in the people that you leave behind that can never be filled. Don’t let the demons win.
Vacation time
27 Aug 2009 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: attitute, band, big reds, camp, chaperone, family, fun, juniors, kids, lives, seniors, structure, vacation
Yes I am on vacation. A vacation that I actually look forward too, even though it is spent with 130 kids for 5 days and other Band Parents that chose to do the same. So you might say, that I am crazy. Vacation means no work, relaxation, good times.
Well we don’t look at it that way. Yes we do work, yes we have 130 kids to watch over, but we get to see these kids come to together as a Band, we get to know them better and we enjoy them. Yes, sometimes we get to a point were we say kids are icky, but if I personally look at the Seniors this year, I can go back and remember them when they started as Freshmen. And it brings up a lot of memories and it makes you proud and sad in the same time. For me this year it is bittersweet. Alex is a Junior, and next year she will be a Senior, a point I thought in years past she would not be, she tried to quit band several times, but the Directors and I would not let her. If we would have let her, she would surely regret it next year.
Anyway, we also have fun. The group of Chaperones that goes, has a great sense of humor. If you don’t have that, then you are at the wrong camp. Kids look at us and think we are weird. Directors have denied knowing us, and also threatened to sent us home if we were not to ship shape up ( of course they would not do that) or even joined in. And we also get yelled at from the Podium to keep quiet, kids love that when they Chaperones get told to knock it off.
It is always amazing, to see the kids take a piece of music and charts and get it all together. The talent they possess is absolutely astonishing. Sometimes it takes a little bit longer for some to realize what it means to be in the Big Red Marching Band and the Tradition that comes with it and the responsibility until they walk out the doors, march down the road to the football field and see the crowd that they have to perform for. Then it hits them..WOW…this is what all that hard work was all about. And it is even sweeter when they walk away with Trophies from a Competition.
The hardest part is when we loose some kids, because they choose not to continue with Band and quit. Lot’s of kids in this program don’t have the support system or structure at home, and every year we hear it over and over at the Senior Bon Fire, that this Band is their family, that this is were they made best friends, and helped them through their problems they have to face in their Lives. That this made them strive for better grades, to make them a better person, and when you hear this coming from someone that came in with a defensive attitute, thinking they know it all better, you know that something was done right and you hope they stay on the right path.
So yes my vacation time is spent at Band camp and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Go Big Reds!
New addition to the family
28 Jul 2009 1 Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: australian shepard, bunny, cage, cat, chocolate lab mix, crying, family, howling, potty training, Puppy, sleep deprived, whining
Yes, we have a new addition. Her name is Ayla and she is a 8 week old Australian miniature Shephard/Chocolate Lab mix. My daughter decided I needed something to keep me company with, and got me the puppy as a surprise.
At first when she told me that she got a puppy, I was not really happy about it. Frankly I was mad at her. I don’t want another thing to take care of. But when she came home with her, I was like oh my God. She is such a cutie.
We have had her for a week now, she is getting the Potty training idea now, she stands on her hind legs by the front door and whines to be let out. The one thing we still have a problem with is that she has not taken to the cage yet very well, that she stays in at night. She will be alright for a couple of hours, but then starts the howling and crying and carrying on. I am hoping after this week, it will be over and she is used to it, we are a sleep deprived family here.
Our other Puppy Tika, has after 2 days accepted the new puppy, and now they are playing together. Trust me Ayla has no fear of the bigger dog, she jumps on her and races after her just like a full grown dog would.
Our cat well, he hasn’t taken to her yet. But he will once she is done with the Puppy stage, he did the same with Tika. Right now he just bats his claws at her,when she gets all over excited and tries to play with him.
We will loose the rabbit though. But its for the better. We have a friend who’s relatives have a farm and they breed Bunnies. And since our Bunny wants to get it on with the Cat all the time, it would be a great place for him to excercise his sexual freedom. He will have a pen to run around in, and not be cooped up all day in a cage like here. So it will be better for him and we can always visit him.
I will post every so often an update of Ayla and her little escapades growing up.
Our funny home
08 Jan 2009 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: alarm clock, breakfast, daughter, family, funny, kiss, phone, school, skype, sleep, sweetheart, voice, waking up
I have a funny Story to tell you all. If you know me from Twitter, you know that I have a weird sense of humor and my kids have inherited that also.
So with me being on Pain killers, some heavy duty ones I might say, the kids are just having a ball with me, because apparently when I sort of wake up, after I take them and have fallen asleep, I forget what dimension I am in. I apparently have greeted my kids several times like I have not seen them for a year or so, have agreed on letting them hold wild parties and funky sleepovers. Buying things for them, and have had conversations with them that include forcing them to eat Brownies. If I see a youtube video about me like that on the Internet, they better run and hide really good.
Well with that also comes that I am not exactly on top of things and that includes getting my daughter up in the morning this week to go to school. I either sleep to good, and not hear the alarm clock or do what I did yesterday. And that is the funny Story.
I got a new Skype phone from a friend and I played around with it and found that it had an Alarm on it. So I set the Alarm for 6:30 am to get my daughter up for school. And I wanted to see if it worked and how it sounded.
Well 6:30 came and the Alarm went off, I heard it, got up and went out to the Living room turned it off after I found the right button, and went back to bed and to sleep. All the while thinking oh that Alarm clock sounds great. You see where I am going with this?
So next I wake up with my Daughter hovering over me, and going : Thank you for waking me up. It is 7:14 am, I had no time to wash my hair, it looks all icky, and Beth is going to be here soon, and I won’t have time to eat my Breakfast. You want the rest of my toast? All the while I am laying there wondering what the heck is going on? What happened? Did I miss something?
So all confused I got up, while she was grabbing her Backpack and mumbling out the door, that Life is just weird and she is hungry and wants to finish eating her Breakfast.
She got home in the afternoon with her boyfriend, and my Son and his girlfriend walked in at the same time also and the fun began. I told them all what a start to the day I had with my daughter just hovering over me and all. All of them were laughing, my daughter was denying that it was that bad. She asked that when I got up and turned the phone off, if I didn’t realize why I got up at 6:30 am? That I just got up for no apparent reason? I said, no I got up and was excited because the Alarm on the phone worked and that it sounded nice and went back to bed. Well you know that everyone was cracking up with that answer, which is true. So everyone was asking why she doesn’t set her Alarms and get up when they go off, and she said, she sleeps trough them. She tried that before and it doesn’t work. That the only thing that wakes her up is her Moms voice saying: Alex, rise and shine Sweetheart. Time to get up. Isn’t that sweet?
So this morning, I really had the intention of waking her up. I set 2 Alarm clocks, honestly I did. Well I got woken up by my daughter saying: Are you ever going to wake me up again? I don’t know what happened. I do not recall hearing any alarms or anything.
But I did go and make her toast with jam on it, so she could have breakfast before her ride came to pick her up, and I gave her kiss on her forehead and wished her a wonderful day. So I did not fall that much out of her good graces for today.
Oh wonderful family gatherings..
30 Nov 2008 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: aunt, cordial, family, gatherings, polish, sedative, uncle, weird
Tis the season to be nutty..falala. Oh yes all of you know what I mean. The family gatherings are upon us and we all have this one special family member or two, that you try to avoid all year long, just to be cooped up with that person a whole day in a house.
There is the not so good mannered Uncle, the Aunt that can’t remember your name, the cousin that you think should be locked up tight. Yes we all have them and don’t deny it.
Before my divorce, our christmases were spend all over gods green earth. Ton’s of Uncles and Aunts to visit. We had the nutty side of the family tree, and the beyond help side of the tree. The beyond help side was the first ones to get out of the way first. There we had the Aunt that liked to hug and kiss everyone continously. Aunt mush we called her. Even her own grandkids hid from her. Then you had the the Uncle that was creepy and followed you all around the house. Another Uncle that made bad jokes, but to be nice you just grinned at him. Another Aunt that took religion just one step to far and kept reciding verses that were highlighted out of the good book. Spent a day with them and you were ready for a bottle of rum.
Then on the nutty side which were the immediate family, you had an Aunt which was the party animal of the family. You knew when she was drunk when her voice changed into this ungodly pitch that made your hair on the back of your neck stand straight up. Then you had the perverted Uncle, that had to make a sexual reference just about every time he said something. And let’s not forget the 86 year old monarch of the family, who had to always bring the homemade cordial in liters and force it down your throat, saying that this stuff will keep you healthy.
And then you add into all of this the polish genes and trades, and you know that sooner or later someone will get mad at somebody, and you add a couple of hours of drama, that puts daytime TV to shame. Oh do I miss those days….NOT!
So for those of you who have a normal family, and are looking forward to the christmas gatherings, I salute you. You are the proud few that do not need to opt for a sedative before visiting. And for the unlucky ones, I wish you good luck and try not to get arrested for attacking the sister-in-law that always has something smart to say about everyone. You do not want to become one of them.
Viscious cycle
29 Sep 2008 1 Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: cancer, cycle, family, friends, problems
Yes viscious cycle or deja vu again. Last year about the same time I found out that a friend of mine was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. She had to undergo breast removal surgery and radical chemotherapy and now she is sporting a new hairdo called “grey peach fuzz” as she likes to call it. She is in good spirits, and right now the prognosis looks good. Her daughter and mine have been friends since 1st grade. And although her and me had different views on parenting sometimes, we remained good friends all these years.
So last week I found out that another friend of mine has Breast Cancer. She has not come out openly and talked about it. It was really hard this weekend to work with her on our annual Band fundraiser and not give her a hug or look at her and start crying.
I have had my fair share of people around me diagnosed with Cancer or die of Cancer, starting with my ex father-in-law. He passed away in 1998 after loosing his battle with Lung cancer. Then it was distant friends and close friends and family.
And it makes you remember, that no matter how big your own problems are and the burden of them that you have to carry around with you, a diagnosis of Cancer makes your problems trivial to what these people are facing.
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