Lifesmystery’s Weblog

Leaving a void

24 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment

by lifesmystery in Uncategorized Tags: cancer, emotions, friends, friendships, heart, home, hugs, kids, life, memories, selfish, tears

In our life and as we get older, we learn to cope with people coming in and out of our life that shape and form us, that we learn from, that make us feel great or bad, that give us help when we need it, that love us, and some that love to hate us. And once in awhile you get lucky and you meet a Person, that turns out to be your friend forever, be it your spouse or soul mate or just someone that is a true friend.

In my Life so far, I have had many of people enter my Life that I forged great friendships with, or who just popped in to say hi and left. I should consider myself lucky that most of them stuck around and continue to be friends with. But there is always this one friendship that is extra special, that is truly the real thing.

My friend Sharron and her husband came into my life, during a time that was very turbolent. I was in process of divorcing my then husband, raised two little ones by myself, and just barely held my head above water. We met at a Bowling alley, on a Saturday morning bowling league for the kids. They were new to the area, Foster Parents to kids that were labeled as severe cases, older with their own kids grown and having families on their own. We hit it off instantly. Sharron turned out to be the supplier of candy to my daughter, and Pops who has a loud bark turned out to be a pushover. We started to spend more time together, their adopted Son went to school with my Son, and later when they adopted another child he went to school with my daughter. The kids played Baseball and Soccer together. We spend holidays together, taking turns in preparing the meals or even just ordering Subway for Easter. And even though they are devout Catholics and I am a Protestant, we never disagreed on that subject. We just clicked.
Then Pops retired from a local Company here, and they went back home to Maryland and it was very upsetting to all of us and many of tears were shed, but we promised to stay in contact through phone calls, e-mail or snail mail.
As the years progressed, our contact seem to dwindle a bit, and one day I received an e-mail that Sharron had gone through Surgery and chemo therapy for Pancreatic Cancer. It was kept pretty hush hush until then, and even with repeated calls to them and e-mails, I never got to talk to them just the kids. I kind of figured it out, they were never into accepting pity, or wanted people to feel sorry for them, plus I believed they were busy of making sure Sharron was heading in the right direction of recovery.

Then earlier this week, I recieved a phone call on my way to my daughters softball game, and it was Pops. It was so wonderful to hear his grumpy deep voice that I started to cry and was so happy to finally hear a word from them. But little did I know what news came next.

We decided to meet up the next day and catch up on our Lives and all. And as Life would have it, it always has to throw a monkey wrench into mine. My car decided not start the next day, I had to have someone take a look at it, so I was stranded at home, with no way of seeing them. Well Pops offered to come over to my house to pick me up, and believe me that when I saw him, it was like just old times. Same ole Pops with his southern accent and opinion and all. I loved it. But on our way to their friends house which they were visiting, he told me the bad news. That Sharron is at stage 4 with the Cancer and that it had metostized into her lungs. That the chemo was not doing its job anymore. How devastating, I was in shock, I didn’t want to believe it. And then I saw her, and I just lost it. It was like someone just took a piece of my heart and squeezed it really tight it hurt so bad. And she was so calm, so peaceful, and told me not to cry and we were hugging for the longest time, and I realized how much I missed her hugs, how much I missed her voice telling me it is going to be okay. The same voice that had told me that many of times before when it got tough and was there to pick me back up so I could be the person that, as she put it ” My higher Power wanted me to be”.

As we spent the evening together, I couldn’t help but realize that she and pops were at peace with her dying, both have a aura surrounding them, that just makes you feel peaceful. I wanted to be so angry but I couldn’t, all I felt was love, no anger, no disappointment, no resentment.
My kids got to see them the next day, and it was heart breaking to watch them. Alex especially. Since Sharron and Pops never had any girls, only boys, they just spoiled her rotten, and to see Sharron again, giving Alex her great hugs and encouraging her and telling her it was okay was amazing.

We have spent so far every minute we can together, to make the most out of the time they are here. We are laughing and remembering the good times and sad times that we had. And for some odd reason I couldn’t help but think, how amazing it is, that again they have re-entered my life at a time, where there is a lot of things going on, that I need strength to get through.

We want to make the most of it, come Monday they will be on their way back home. I wish I could hold on to them, and not have them leave, because I don’t want this to end, this great friendship that we have forged. I want to hold on to the kindest people that I have met, with hearts so big and so much strength, to make you feel like you can take on the rest of the world all by yourself. But that would be very selfish of me. So I have to just hold on to the memories and keep her alive in my heart and try to do my best of being the ” Person my higher power” wants me to be.