Advise from an old person..

Hindsight is better then foresight, they say. If you knew back then what you know now, you would have done things differently…these are some of the sayings that will come up in ones journey through Life more then they care for.

Yes, we all wish that we had the knowledge of Life right from the get go, and avoid making mistakes, but then what would we learn? In the same sense though, some things, mistakes, situations, problems could be avoided if we all just took a minute and listened to a person in our lives that may have been there, done it and knows what not to do.

I guess I’m writing this because as a middle aged mother, I’ve been there, done it and survived it. And I hope that some people will take some of the advise to good use. Here we go….

- Don’t live in the past. Look forward to the future. Life will continue running it’s course, and you might miss out on all the beautiful things that are happening right now and later. When you are old and need a hearing aid, then talk about the memories of the past – you may make an impression on a young person, who thinks you are a wise person.

- The good will outweigh the bad. Things happen, good and bad in ones life. But you cannot dwell on the bad things to a point they take up all your energy and space in your head. Focus on the positives. As tough as Life gets and throws a kink in your path, cry, be mad, you have the right to do so. But then deal with it in such a way that you will be able to put it behind you and continue enjoying the great things that do happen.

- You cannot make someone else happy, if you are not happy yourself. If you are waiting or longing for someone to make you happy, then you will be a lonely person. Happiness starts within you.

- No burden put on your shoulder is to heavy to carry. It may seem like it at times, but if that was the case, human kind would be extinct. Don’t give up. Seek help if it is too much. Look within you to find the strength to keep moving. After you have muddled your way through it and come out at the other end, you can be proud of yourself and are stronger and you may be able to help someone later in Life that is facing the same burden.

- Respect yourself. If you don’t respect yourself, you will not receive respect from others. – Respect others. This will get you respect.

- Appreciate the little things in life. We all strive for bigger and better, but don’t overlook the small things in your life that may have big surprises for you.

- Be kind. Kindness goes a long way. Sometimes we are so tied up in our own little world, we don’t realize another person just wanting our attention, a smile or a hug to make their day.

There are many more. But these will be there all our lifes. Take it from an older woman.

Life’s just full of it isn’t it?

So today I left my house to head on work, pretty typical morning for the exception that I did not have to take a kid to school.

I am driving down the highway when my car started making this rattling noise, the oil light came on then the battery light and my car just stalled out. Well I cruised off an Exit ramp and came to a complete stop. Light smoke started coming up from underneath my hood and a smell of something burning through the vents of the car. Pretty much right there I knew this was majorly wrong.

I called work, and a friend and the Insurance company, because I couldn’t remember if I had roadside assistance, and as bright as I am sometimes, I forgot to print out the newest Insurance coverage papers to stick into my glove compartment.

When I talked to my friend she made the suggestion that her husband, who is a mechanic by heart and knows his way around cars to come over and take a look at the car, but she asked if I saw oil on the ground, and I told her yes a few drops. And she said it looks like it is the Engine.

So the Tow truck showed up, didn’t think he was going to be there so fast. Took him not even 5 minutes to hook the car up and off back home we went. I can’t describe what I was feeling or thinking at that point. I was just numb again. I was not angry or upset just numb.

Back home, my friends husband came over took a look and gave me the bad news, it is the Engine. My options which both of them are basically junk the car or a re-build engine. Wonderful. I still owe money on the car, not sure junking it is the option, but a re-build engine is out of reach also. Not exactly swimming in $$ here. So thats when I started feeling sorry for myself.

So I curled up in a Blanket and cried and wondered what did I do wrong again to get a blow of this kind in my Life again. Then once I got over that I went into the next phase of being mad at everything including my Life.

And now I’m writing about it. Not sure if that is gonna help me. I’m kinda slipping back into the feeling sorry for myself mode again. I think I need to record myself when I give advise to someone on how to pull themselves back up and just work themselves through it, so I can listen to it.

I guess we will see what the next couple of days will bring. I have to make a decision soon, no matter what, it will cost me.

Some advise to parents of teenage daughters

Alright, I did not write a book on how to raise your child the correct way, nor do I have a degree in that field. But what I do know is, that I did not want to make the same mistake with my daughter , that my Mother made with me. See this summer during her visit here, I found out why she and my grandfather never spoke to each other all my life, and even when he died, neither one of them forgave each other. And to my surprise my mother admitted to me, that she was repeating the same wrong doing with me and even though it did cause a rift between me and her during my teenage years, she realized that if she continued with this viscous cycle we would wind up just the same way. And I certainly did not want to make the same mistake with my kids.

Okay with that said, here is a little story that happened right here in my house yesterday.

My daughter came home with one of her friends, a young Lady that I met once on Prom night when she and her boyfriend stopped by to pick up my daughter and her date for the evening.  Her friend immediately rushed to the bathroom, while my daughter came up to me, and told me that this young lady just broke up with the boy that she went to prom with and is now in my bathroom taking a pregnancy test.

Well can you imagine the thoughts that went through my head? What if she is pregnant and is falling apart in my bathroom? What should I say to her? And more.

She came back out of the bathroom a little bit later, and sat down and my daughter told her that she had spilled the beans to me on what she was doing in the bathroom, and she looked at me shocked at first, like she expected me to start yelling or something. But I did not say anything. Well she said that it was negative, and then out of the blue she spilled her guts to me, on how they broke up and why. And on how her family reacted to the breakup. And here is the one sentence that strikes me wrong everytime I hear it, because it was one of my mothers favorite ” I told you so”. The young lady continued to tell me the details of the conversation with her parents, and there was not a single sentence in there that resembled to anything remotly to support. So I talked to her, and gave her some advise and just before they left, I looked at her and said to her ” And use your head young lady so you don’t have to do this again”, pointing at the bathroom. I then jokently added ” No hanky panky without a rubber on the little wanky”. My daughter and her laughed and she looked at me and said ” Thank you”, and I could tell she was relieved and she meant it.

So now you are going, well this happens all the time with lots of girls, and this is nothing new and whats the point writing about this. I tell you whats the point.

If this young lady at 17 has to take a pregnancy test at someone elses house, it tells me that her line of communication with her parents is non existent. If there was any communication there, she should be on birth control, she should be able to come to her parents and tell them about it and her concerns. As a parent it is your responsibility to ensure that your daughter and even your son understands the meaning of the birds and the bees. Don’t rely on your school system to teach it to them, because that is not enough. I started talking to my kids about the birds and the bees when they where in 5th grade going into middle school. Talk to them normally about it. Don’t scare them about sex with old wife tales. And yes it is uncomfortable for both sides. You will hear “ewww”  and ” MOOOOMMM” or “Daaaadddd” and will get an embarassed face and the eye roll. But make sure that they understand that the lines of communication is there and that they can come to you. Don’t put down some hard nosed rules about this and scare them, you will only accomplish the same kind of result as with that young lady. Would you not rather know what your daughter or son is doing then find out from other people, or worse when they have gotton themselves into a bad position? I am not saying, let your kids go out and have sex, far from it. Trust me, if chasity belts were available my daughter would wear one till she was 25, but that is not an option nowadays. But I did talk to her and her boyfriend (yes her boyfriend) about this.

So instead of adopting the attitute of the 3 monkeys, see nothing, hear nothing, say nothing, choose the option of talking to your daughter and be supportive. And you may not like to hear what they are telling you and it will make your heart skip a beat sometimes and panic mode will kick in, but if you talk to them in a normal way, they will make the right decision. And you will be involved in their lives and a better parent for it.